How to rekindle the intimacy in your relationship

Loss of libido and avoidance of intimacy are so common, for all sorts of reasons. It can feel impossible to rekindle the intimacy in your relationship – but you deserve to feel desire, passion, intimacy, love and lust. 

The stress and exhaustion of dealing with daily life – work, parenthood, caring responsibilities, housework – can mean that intimacy is the last thing on our minds. And if you’re also dealing with physical or mental health challenges or physical symptoms it’s easy to feel unattractive and stop caring about this aspect of your life.

You deserve to feel desire, passion, intimacy, love or lust.

This is an important aspect of your wellbeing that should be addressed just like any other. It’s still a taboo subject and often not discussed in healthcare. But it really can have a negative effect on people’s lives when life or health challenges get in the way of their sexual self.

I think it’s time for this to be openly addressed.

So if you desire more intimacy in your relationship, try these suggestions:

Reflect on how you really feel about the sexual side of your life at the moment. If you address and accept your feelings, rather than pushing them down, you’ll be in a better frame of mind to help things improve. As you acknowledge your own feelings and make them a priority, it’ll stop seeming as if there is an important part of you that’s being neglected.

Try other ways of getting intimate… like talking. Create a calm, nurturing environment that will encourage you to open up with each other and be honest. Light candles, put on your favourite relaxing music, get a fire going in the wood burner, cosy up together in your comfiest spot – whatever makes you both feel at ease. 

Let your imagination work for you. Spend time imagining your partner’s touch while being next to each other without touching. You’ll be amazed how your imagination can trigger the body! 

Give yourself permission to be a sexual being. Your sex life shouldn’t be a taboo subject! We are physical beings and it’s important to feel pleasure, intimacy and passion running through our mind and body right to our soul. So give yourself permission to enjoy your body and your partner’s. Everyone has a spectrum of thoughts and behaviours. Assume most people do most things; as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable for the people involved, it’s normal and right. Explore and express yourself. Experiment. Be free. Be you.

Make intimacy a priority – and make time for it! We all lead busy lives. When a relationship is new passion often takes over – then later on, as our lives change, it becomes less of a focus, and can even disappear altogether. Relying on both partners suddenly feeling the desire for intimacy – at a convenient time! – just doesn’t work any longer. So plan time for intimacy – and enjoy looking forward to it together.